GIR's Special
by BlackAster
Summary: GIR makes waffles again, with a very special ingredient, Zim is the oblivious victim of said ingredient's crazy side effects and Dib is obviously caught in the middle of it. [Warning: Accidental Drug Use]


Hello, everyone!

This...let's call it a story, yeah, was inspired by a screenshot from the show I saw on Tumblr and by a brief exchange I had with the person who posted it. Zim looked completely stoned in that image, and I couldn't help myself. So, instead of working on the next chapter of my main story for this fandom, I wrote this..."thing".

Humour isn't my forte, but I tried to come up with something that could be at least remotely funny. Don't expect to fall from your chair and roll on the floor laughing, but hopefully it will make someone smile...a little bit!

I'm open to questions and comments of every sort (as long as we respect each other). Feedback is gold for inspiration!

Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:** the show and the characters belong to the rightful owners.

* * *

" _FOOLISH HUMAN_! You really think that you can stop the Mighty Zim? Just because you've managed to cause me a…minor inconvenience, it doesn't mean that I've lost! I will destroy your pathetic ball of dirt and…and crush your pathetic life with…the ugly weight of your smelly gargantuan head!"

"What are you even talking about, alien scum? I just _wrecked_ your stupid hypnotizing machine! I wouldn't call that a "minor inconvenience". I stopped your moronic, evil plan once again. Admit it! And stop saying my head is big! It's _not_ , dammit!"

Zim and Dib squinted at each other from the opposite sides of what once had been a completely normal road. Now it looked more like the impact site of an asteroid, considering the deep crater that laid in the middle of the space between the two of them and the ruins spread all around. The human boy might have managed to destroy the alien's aforementioned machine, but the device had gone out with a real blast, destroying everything around it despite its small size.

The two had been caught in the explosion too, even if they had been much luckier than the poor road. Zim's uniform was torn and burnt in a few spots and there was blood dripping into in his contact lenses from a cut on his forehead. His wig was all messy, but he had managed to keep it in place even when the wave of energy had shoved him into the closest wall. One of his arms laid limp by his side, most likely broken, but his PAK was already working on repairing the damage. Dib's clothes weren't in a better state, but at least the boy didn't have any broken bone. Aside from the few, umpteenth cracked ribs. He would have been all bruised the next morning and he honestly wasn't eager to experience the pain that would have come once the adrenaline would have left his system, but he would have put up with it. He was just glad that he had got away with all his limbs still attached and no internal lesion. Or so he hoped.

The Invader let out an unintelligible sound at the comeback he received, his working fist tightening in growing irritation. He wasn't going to admit that the worm child had managed to spoil his amazing plan yet again. _Never_. The foolish pig could mock and taunt as much as he wanted. His won battles were nothing but a delay, because, at the end of the day, the final victory would have been Zim's. It was _inevitable_. It didn't even matter that he had been on Earth for a year and a half already. Once he would have conquered the planet and the Armada would have come for the Organic Sweep, he would have been the last one to laugh watching his nemesis crying.

"You _lie_!" He screeched loudly, not specifying if he was referring to Dib ruining his plan or to the human's head not being big. Or both. He would have let his rival pick whatever meaning he preferred. He started to march towards where the boy stood, walking around the crater ignoring the pained protests that his spine was sending him. He would have showed the inferior creature the true meaning of humiliation. He would have proved him that he could still cause harm even if his machine was lost. "Zim will…will…"

He stumbled on his own feet and suddenly the words got lost, together with his concentration. He managed to catch himself before he could fall face down on the ground, but when he lifted his head he noticed that his sight was slightly blurred. No, that wasn't the right way to describe it. It was more like everything around him was swaying disturbingly slowly and that made it hard for him to put the details into focus. His head was suddenly feeling very light and there was a weird, bubbly feeling growing in his chest. He tried to take a few more steps forward, but he had to stop after the second attempt because he couldn't keep his balance. Was the ground moving under the soles of his boots? Or was it the sky above his skull? Or was it _him_? Perhaps he had hit his head harder than he had thought.

Dib had followed suit when Zim had started to advance towards him, matching the Irken's pace so that they could meet in halfway. He had rolled his eyes as the alien had started to yell again, and he had smirked widely when the other had tripped on nothing. His amusement, though, had quickly died down, at least in part, when the Invader had stopped his tracks again almost immediately, after having tried to resume his marching, looking like he was about to risk falling once again. The outraged smugness had left the alien's expression completely, as had the determination that had lit up his gaze, and now his disguised eyes were completely unfocused, one of them narrowed, as if he had been trying and failing badly to squint at something. His pinkish teeth were slightly bared, his face contorted in concentration, and he stood _swaying,_ with his legs slightly apart, as to compensate for a sudden loss of balance.

The boy raised an eyebrow, slowing down his steps, puzzled. What was the moron doing? The Irken looked even more idiotic than he usually did, but the human couldn't help feeling wary. It wouldn't have been the first time that the alien had put up some crazy, moronic act just to make him lower his guard. After what had happened the previous week, when the Invader had managed to distract him and slipped some horrible, disgusting sauce in his lunch, he had promised himself that he wouldn't have fallen for it again any time soon.

"Zim?" He called out, just to test the waters, and stopped a couple of metres away from his rival. He didn't want to be stunned by a laser or grabbed by the alien's PAK robotic arm.

The Invader didn't answer. He had heard his nemesis's voice spelling something that sounded like his name, even if he wasn't sure, but he was too preoccupied with how thick and slow his thoughts had got to pay attention to the human. The bubbly feeling in his spooch had move higher and now it was stuck in his throat, forcing him to bite his lips down not to let it out. He had no idea of what it would have caused if he had allowed the urge to surface, but he had the feeling that he wouldn't have liked it.

The lack of an answer and even of a reaction made Dib's suspicions grow. If this wasn't one of the of his nemesis's stupid antics, then perhaps the explosion had damaged the Irken more than they had initially believed. Whatever the explanation was, he had better do something about the current situation. If it was a trick, he needed to anticipate the alien's move. If Zim wasn't pretending to be dazed, instead, well, it was a chance he couldn't let go to waste. He narrowed his eyes, determination making his amber irises sparkle, and he launched himself on the Invader, tackling him and knocking him on the littered ground.

His hands fisted in the front of his nemesis's uniform tightly and he shook him roughly. "Who's lying here, space scum?" He exclaimed, triumphant from where he was kneeling on the top of his defeated enemy. "Because it looks like _you_ have lost here! Your time has come! I'll expose you and have you locked up and experimented on! You won't harm this planet anymore!"

Zim didn't understand what was happening until he found himself on the floor, PAK digging in and arching his already aching spine. He could feel the human's weight on him and Dib's face occupied more or less all his field of vision, but he was still having troubles to put the images into focus. The irritating boy was talking again, he was aware of the fact because he could hear his annoying voice echoing in his head, but grasping the words was a hard task too.

A part of the Irken's mind knew that things weren't looking good for him, that he should have done something, like shoving his rival off him, but the bubbly feeling had got _so_ intense. He couldn't hold it back anymore. His head was spinning slightly, his broken arm hurt horribly and he was in a vulnerable position, one that could have allowed Dib to tear his disguise off and reveal his real looks to the whole world. Still, he couldn't help himself. He dropped his nape back on the ground and burst out into laughter, loud and hard.

"There was this…this one time when my Tallest asked me to…to swim in this river of boiling lava," he panted out in-between cackling, his chest raising and falling far too quickly to be healthy. "It was so _painful_!" He had no idea of why he had said that and there was nothing even remotely funny in the memory, because it had been just one of the several agonies he had gone through in the name of the Empire, but the thought caused a new fit of creepy snickering to leave his lips. "The _pain_! I can…can still feel it!"

Dib's fingers loosened slightly from where they were still wrapped around the Irken's uniform and he moved backwards as much as he could without getting off the alien, caught off guard and especially weirded out by the incongruous reaction he had got. And that tale about the lava stream? Where had that come from? He studied his rival's expression more attentively. His head was swaying as his body had been when he had been standing, his fake eyes were still half lost in the void and he was gnawing on his lips in a failed attempt of stopping his uncontrollable giggling. Had Zim finally and completely lost his mind?

"He looks completely stoned," a voice came from next to him, making him jump slightly.

Gaz was standing by his side, her gaze locked on the screen of her videogame and her usual frown in place. She looked away just once, and for less than a second, cracking an eye slightly open and landing it on the snickering alien, before returning it were it belonged. She scoffed, in evident annoyance. "He most likely _is_ completely stoned," she corrected herself in a flat tone.

Dib blinked at her. He had completely forgotten that she was there too and of how the fight had started in the first place. He had been on his way to accompany her to the mall when they had run into Zim. Of course, as soon as he had caught sight of the Irken, his mind had pushed everything else away, his sister included, and, as the battle had progressed, it had deleted the memory of what he was supposed to be doing and with whom. If Gaz hadn't interjected, he most likely would have realised that they should have been together only once he would have got back home and got growled at because he had abandoned her in the middle of the street.

He frowned slightly at the girl. Somehow, she was unscathed, without even a bit of dust on her clothes, as if she had been miles away when the explosion had happened. He couldn't wrap his mind around how that could be possible, but he decided that it didn't matter in that moment and his eyes moved back on his nemesis. Could his sibling be right? Was Zim under the effect of some drug or substance that was messing with his system? Now that she had mentioned it, he couldn't help agreeing with her observation. The Invader did look _stoned_.

"Whatever. I'm going to the mall," Gaz stated, interrupting his thoughts for the second time in a row and turning on her heels. She wasn't going to allow that accident to ruin her plans. She had known that she would have been on her own as soon as the Irken had made his appearance. Better that way, if you asked her. She hadn't wanted her brother to come in the first place, but he had insisted until she had agreed, out of exasperation. "Have fun with the moron."

The boy hesitated, turning his head in her direction once again. What should he do? Zim was in his hands and he was defenceless. He could have captured him, brought him home and got all the evidences he needed to prove the world that his nemesis wasn't human, to show everyone that he wasn't crazy, that he had been right the whole time. He could have even exploited the occasion to get back at the Invader for all the weird experiments the jerk had tried to conduct on him during the last year and a half. He could have fulfilled his self-assigned task and saved the Earth, become a hero, been rewarded for all the efforts, the humiliations and the sacrifices he had been forced to endure. He could have earned a life not so unlike the one the Irken had showed him in his simulation, when he had cruelly taken his revenge for that thrown muffin, superpowers aside.

He felt the hint of a grin starting to stretch on his lips, but it fell before it was completely formed. The idea was enticing, exhilarating even, he couldn't deny it. He could have had Zim strapped and helpless on an operating table, ready for dissection, exactly as he had promised his rival since day one. He would have won. However, it would have been so _anticlimactic_ , after so many months of struggles and adventures. He had done nothing to defeat the alien and earn his victory. The moron had done this to himself, somehow. They never played fair with each other, but this was just…bad and almost squalid. Too _easy_. There was no real glory in it, no triumph he could really celebrate or boast about. Besides, even if he would have never admitted it, he had got used to having the space pest filling up his days. Something would have been missing if he had got rid of him, especially now, especially in that insipid way.

He groaned under his breath. He was sure that he would have regretted his decision as soon as the Irken would have pulled another of his stunts, endangering him and the whole planet, but for the moment he had made up his mind.

Not without a hint of lingering reluctance, he let the front of the Invader's uniform go and stood up. "Come on, space boy," he grumbled unhappily, grabbing the other by his uninjured arm and pulling him up. "Back on your feet. I'm taking you home. But I'm _not_ carrying you."

Zim let out a gurgling sound, half way between a giggle and a pained yelp, as his other upper limb bumped into the ground, healing bones protesting angrily at the new blow they had received. However, he struggled to do as he was told and, somehow, he ended up with his sane arm wrapped around the human's shoulder. He made a face at the close contact, the disgust in his expression matching the one in Dib's, but he was aware that without the support he would have fallen and plastered himself on the ground once again. He blinked, trying to clear his sight, and, when he didn't succeed, he shook his head quickly. Or rather, he tried to, obtaining only to knock his skull painfully against his nemesis's temple.

"Oh for the love of…!" Dib exclaimed, rubbing the abused spot as the alien started to laugh again. "You know what? I should just leave you here and join Gaz. All I'm getting out of this stupid idea is a bad headache. And you're no danger for anyone right now. If I left, you'd probably just lie on the ground and laugh till you recovered or till someone dragged you away. So I could really just leave."

"N…No, I need to go back home. And you'll take Zim, worm child," the Invader managed to talk back, more or less coherently. He should have been worried by the human's sudden helpfulness and especially by the fact that he would be allowing his rival inside his base, unsupervised, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It was already a miracle that he had stopped laughing long enough to speak those words. And apparently, judging by the pressure in his chest, the break was already over.

"The…Hogulus, meat-eating beast of _doom_!" He screamed and the cackling started again.

This time, the boy chose to ignore both the annoying sound and the nonsensical statement and instead focused on starting to drag the alien in the direction of his headquarters. Zim wasn't exactly cooperating, since he tripped on his feet more often than not, but, luckily for them both, the Irken was even lighter than he looked, so half carrying him wasn't too difficult. The Invader kept thrashing every time a new fit of laughter washed over him and that slowed them down, but eventually they covered the not so long distance that separated them from their destination. The human did his best to ignore the glances they gained from the passers-by, deciding to pretend not to have heard the muttered "freaks" and just to be happy that no one had stopped them.

Getting the door of the eerie building open took more time than it should have. Zim seemed unable to call out for his Computer and order it to unlock the entrance without interrupting himself half way to giggle. Dib wasn't sure about what was so funny in the whole ordeal, or rather what was so _not_ -funny, since the Irken seemed to cackle harder when he was thinking about things that normally wouldn't have amused him at all. Perhaps it had something to do with what his nemesis stuttered about the machine "accidentally" trapping him in a tank for a whole day, during the previous weekend, after the Invader had insulted it for three hours straight. He didn't want to know, honestly. The situation was already too absurd as it was. No need to add a _domestic_ feud involving a sarcastic artificial intelligence to the mix.

When, finally, the door was unlocked, the boy pushed it open and dragged the alien inside, meaning to just dump him on the couch and leave him alone to deal with his drugged self. However, instead, he found himself coming to a stop just a few steps past the threshold, as a weird but not unfamiliar smell assaulted his senses, mixed with the one of baked waffles. He made a face, wrinkling his nose at the strong scent. Could it be…? He shot a look at his nemesis, who was still more or less clinging to him to stay upright, the spacey expression firmly in place. It could definitely be. He was starting to get a clearer idea of what could have happened to Zim.

Not knowing if he felt more incredulous, exasperated or amused, he turned his eyes away from the alien and landed them on the robot sitting on the couch, in front of the television, which was transmitting an episode of Angry Monkey show. There was an almost empty plate of slightly burnt waffles next to him, presumably the source of both the smells that filled the room. The scene consolidated his suspicions. He was ready to bet that his guess was right.

In that moment GIR seemed to suddenly notice their presence because he whipped his head around and his teal eyes widened before he jumped on his feet. " _Big-Head Boy_!" He screamed in a high-pitched voice, rushing towards them. "You brought the master home! That was sooo nice of you!" He grinned eerily, titling his head. "Thank you! Does it mean that you're staying and he gonna open your head and use it as a soft, soft bedding?"

Dib had to fight the impulse to take a step back, feeling a shudder of both disgust and dread at the question. "Uh, no," he forced himself to answer, swallowing slightly. At times he forgot that Zim's sidekick could be even creepier than the Irken himself. "I just brought him home. No one's head will be cracked open."

The SIR Unit seemed disappointed for a moment, but then he shrugged. "Oh, okey dokey," he simply said and marched back to his spot on the couch.

The boy took a second to recover, but then followed, dragging his rival with him. The Invader seemed to have stopped laughing for the moment, but the insistent way in which he kept biting his lips and the slight shake in his shoulders suggested that he would have started again very soon. "Uh, GIR, what are you eating?"

The robot giggled slightly again, reaching out to grab one of the last pieces of waffles. "It's what's left of my master's meal!" He claimed cheerfully, spitting out small, wet crumbles of food since he hadn't waited to be done chewing before answering. "He wanted to go out and start his plan on an empty stomach, but that's _bad_. So, I made him eat the waffles Piggy and I baked!" He picked up the mostly empty plate and offered it to the human. "Wanna try 'em?"

Dib quickly shook his head. "Nope. Really, thanks but no. I…I ate already," he stated, with a nervous grin, walking around the crazy SIR Unit to be able to dump Zim on the other end of the couch. "Maybe next time, okay?"

"Uh, waffles!" The alien exclaimed in that moment, as his body fell heavily on the cushions. "Give them to Zim! I'm hungry." He let out a sound very similar to a hiccup and a second later he was bursting into laughter again. "I've never been this… _weirdly_ hungry!"

"Uh, perhaps it's better if you eat something else," the boy stepped in, slapping away the hand that his nemesis had stretched out to get the sweets. "These are GIR's."

"How do you dare! Zim eats whatever I want! Even if it's someone else's food, Dib-stink!" The Irken shot back, trying and failing to sound threatening once again. He tried to reach out for the plate, but all he gained was, for the second time, a push and a slap. "Gim _me_!"

The human ignored him this time and turned back towards the robot, who had gone on eating as if his master hadn't been yelling that he wanted a taste too. The waffles were almost gone, and it was for the best. It would have prevented the alien moron from getting himself even more stoned than he already was because he had the munchies.

The Irken tried to grab the plate one more time, but when his sidekick himself moved it out of his reach, he seemed to finally give up and turned his attention to the TV, fake violet eyes growing wide as he tilted his head, looking absolutely fascinated by the images on the screen. He had always _hated_ that show with passion, but in the moment the colours looked just so _vivid_ and the characters' movements had something hypnotizing in it. And, of course, that too made him want to laugh so, so hard, till he choked on his breath, even if there was nothing even just remotely funny in what he was looking at.

"GIR, what did you put in those?" Dib questioned, after having shot Zim a weird look. He had the feeling that he knew the answer to that question, but he wanted to confirm his theory. He would have had a lot of fun taunting his nemesis about what he had said and done under the influence of the drug the day after. The more details, the merrier. Besides, it was something he could have exploited at his own advantage, under the right conditions. Perhaps _he_ would have managed to spike the Irken's food for once, and not vice versa.

The robot seemed to perk up ever more at the inquiry. He looked proud and delighted by it and he swayed his head a bit before answering. "It's a special ingredient to make my master happy!" He exclaimed, excitedly and far too loudly for everyone's liking. "I went to the park yesterday…"

 **xxx**

 _The previous afternoon…_

A disguised GIR was walking along one of the many paths that led their way across the City park. It was late and the sky was starting to darken, so the place was deserted for most part, aside from a few people brushing quickly past him on their way home. His master had kicked him out of the base after he had smashed half of the machine the alien had been building. He hadn't done it on purpose, but the device had this colourful, weirdly shaped button that seemed to be begging to be pressed it. And he had pressed it. Repeatedly. Until the circuits of the machine had overloaded and the whole thing had made this icky sound and it had started to smell like a very badly burnt toast.

It was useless to say that the Irken had begun to scream and had ordered him to "take a walk". GIR hadn't been very happy about it because his show was about to start, but his master had looked very, _very_ angry, so he hadn't been left with much of a choice. He sighed, unhappily. He already missed the couch. It had been less than a month since when he had got it back all to himself. Zim had taken residence on it for quite some time, after the Big-Head Boy had temporarily stopped chasing him, and he still suffered every time he was forcefully separated from his beloved piece of furniture for too long.

The sound of chattering distracted him from his thoughts and he spotted a bunch of teenagers talking and laughing, sat under one of the trees. They were passing among them two of those weird human things that burnt and emitted smoke when lightened up. The SIR Unit blinked, curiously. They looked very _happy_. It would have been nice if his master could be so happy at least from time to time. Maybe he should ask them why they were so cheerful.

He approached them, head still tilted, and the group instantly noticed him. The first reaction he got were a few laughs, but they then invited him to sit with them and he decided that he really liked them. They were nice, they talked to him and seemed to find him super funny, something that most people didn't. By the time they said goodbye, the robot was eager to see them again at the party they had invited him to, which would have taken place in a couple of days. With a spring in his step, he headed home with a small package, a gift from the teens, clutched tightly in his hands.

 **xxx**

 _Present time…_

"So, so nice! I really liked them," GIR finished telling, nodding to himself with satisfaction. "And so I thought of making my master happy as they were and I used their weird smelly thingie for my waffles! And peanuts. Yes, because they said peanuts were goodie too. And this thing I found in the cupboard. Nut…Nutmeg. A looooot of it. Because we had so much in the kitchen."

Dib's eyes were wide, even if he had been expecting that kind of answer. Hearing the whole tale was still incredible. "So, you put _weed_ in Zim's waffles, because you thought it could make him… _nice_ ," he commented, not knowing if he should laugh or be worried. The SIR Unit seemed to be completely unconcerned with the effect that some Earthen foods and substances had on the alien. For what he knew, the drug could have killed him, instead of "making him happy". And the Irken had eaten them, even if out of exasperation and after having been screeched at for a long time, without even asking what was in them. It would have been a huge score for team Earth if the Invader had been mortally poisoned, but the boy still found incredibly disturbing how dysfunctional Zim's and GIR's relationship could be at times. Not that his and his nemesis's was any better.

"I dunno. The weird smelly thingie seemed just perfect for my waffles!" The robot answered in a noncaring tone and shrugged, picking up the last piece of food. He grinned widely again. "And it worked! The master is all happy and giggly now."

They both turned to shoot a glance at the alien, who was cackling like a madman because of something that had just happened on the television screen. He was holding the centre of his chest and in a moment his laughing became so hard that he bent over and tumbled off the couch. The hit left him breathless and confused for a second, but he recovered quickly and just resumed his mad rolling on the floor.

The human sighed heavily. "Well, he is… _giggly_ ," he admitted, but his voice was devoid of the cheerfulness that GIR had showed in the result. He reached out and pulled the alien up once again, not without some difficulty since the other refused to stay on his feet. "Listen, just let him rest and give him plenty of flu…" He stopped himself before he could say "fluids". Drinking plenty was one of the fundamental steps to recover from a hangover and also from the effects of drugs, but, considering Zim's reaction to water, perhaps it would be better avoiding that part. The Irken would have burnt himself and he would have most likely laughed even harder because of it. The consequences could have been disastrous and Dib didn't want the Invader to come and hunt him down for revenge once he would have recovered, just because he held him partially responsible for his giggling agony.

"Let him rest," he repeated, deciding that it should have been enough. "And keep him inside the house. His PAK will take care of the drug or whatever." Rolling his eyes at the almost care he was showing, he pushed his shaky rival in the robot's direction. He had done his part, he could as well leave. "And, GIR? No more…weird smelly thingie. At least for today."

"Awwww," the SIR Unit grumbled, once again looking disappointed. However, the expression brightened up as soon as he had wrapped his metallic hands around Zim's still healing arm, causing the alien first to yelp in pain and then to start cackling again. "Okey dokey. Will do. I will take care of the master till he's normal again."

Dib raised an eyebrow, feeling sceptical about the last statement, but he started to head for the door anyway. Whether GIR was about or not to keep his word shouldn't interest him. At least as long as Zim was in the condition of causing no harm to the planet. "Whatever. I'll see you guys tomorrow," he said with the most casual tone he could manage and offering an awkward wave.

However, he hardly had the time to take a couple of step towards the exit of the building when something passed right next to his head, making him start. He turned around abruptly, fearing an attack. Had his rival already and suddenly recovered from the drug and had he decided to exploit the fact that he was in his base to capture him? Or to get a but of revenge on him because he felt humiliated for having accepted his help? He didn't want to end up trapped in one of the alien's test tubes or left in a cage, perhaps with a rabid animal, for months. Not again.

He lifted his hands, spreading his legs a bit, ready to fight, and locked his eyes on the Irken. Zim had freed himself from GIR's tight grip, but he was still swaying and his eyes were still unfocused for the most. No sudden recovery seemed to have taken place. However, his PAK metal arm was out and it looked determined to capture the boy. Or at least to try to do that, failing miserably. The robotic limb, in fact, attempted to reach out again for him another couple of times, but missed its target, even if the human hadn't moved at all. Apparently the drug was compromising the connection between the alien and the device on his back too.

The Invader let out a few frustrated noises, but eventually he seemed to accept that he wasn't getting anywhere with his current tactic and retrieved his artificial limb, choosing to point a claw more or less in his nemesis's direction. "You're leaving already, Dib-thing? You can't!" He called out, in an almost credible commanding tone. "Zim was getting used to your…stinky…self- _stink_. So, you gotta stay. Yeah. It doesn't make sense, but yeah."

Dib blinked, raising an eyebrow, trying to decipher what the alien had just said. His mind had got stuck on the name calling, which was just as nonsensical as the rest of the words that had left his rival's mouth. He thought that he had grasped a hint of meaning in them, but he had to have heard it wrong. The Irken couldn't have just ordered him to _stay_. It wouldn't make any sense, unless somehow, in his fucked up mind, the Invader thought that forcing him to bear his company while he was stoned could be some sort of payback. And the assumption wouldn't have been so far from the truth, all considered. He loathed every moment he had to spend with Zim outside their fights and the fact that the other was being even more random than he usually was didn't help.

"What?" He asked, not really knowing what else to say. Rushing out of the door would have been the smartest idea, especially considering that the other was in no condition to stop him, but he was also aware that the base wasn't as drugged as its owner. One word from the Invader and it would have disintegrated him. Or worse.

"Stay, Mary! Yeah! Watch Monkey show with us!" GIR stepped in, approving the idea of having company. After all, from what he had seen, his master and the human were on a "let's get along" day, also thanks to his weird smelly thingie. It seemed right that the boy stuck around till the effects of the substance were lingering. In the aftermath, the Irken could have always gone back to his usual games and tried to painfully get rid of him, as always.

"Computer! Capture the Dib!" Zim screamed, without giving his rival the time to react. He would have preferred doing it in person, but his head was starting to spin faster and faster for all the moving he had done, so he deemed better sitting back on the couch and letting his equipment do the dirty work. Besides, the bubbly feeling was coming back for the umpteenth time. He wanted to watch the scene and have something seriously funny to justify his laughter for once. The sight of his nemesis struggling in vain to overpower his superior technology definitely classified as such. "I will whisk your core Brain if you let him escape!"

Dib didn't even have the time to elaborate the replies he had got because, as soon as the Invader's voice had echoed in the room, metal arms had shot out of the ceiling, all hellbent on catching him, even if he would have sworn that he had heard the Computer sighing, exasperated, at the order. He managed to avoid them and ran for the door, but he found that it was locked and stuck, no matter how hard he tried to pull the handle. When tried to change strategy and go for one of the windows, the robotic limbs shot to stand between him and the glass. Even if it didn't agree with his master's command, apparently the machine didn't really want to risk having the Irken carrying out his threat. The boy didn't blame it, but that didn't mean that he would have made its job any easier. He wanted to get away with his life and brain unharmed too.

The struggle lasted a few more minutes, but in the end the human was grabbed by three of the mechanical arms, lifted from the ground and dumped on the couch, between a cheerful GIR and a very satisfied Zim. Along the way, the Computer had tightly tied up with what looked like solid metal ropes, wrapped around his torso and around his legs. The binds were so tight that they almost didn't allow his chest to rise and fall when he breathed, so he instantly knew that there was no way he would have got out of them unless Zim had allowed him to. He would have been stuck in his eternal enemy's base, sat next to said alien, forced to watch a stupid show and to hear the robot's and the Invader's mad giggling, until the second would have got tired of his company. Just _great_.

He glared hard at the television, rolling his eyes when the Irken threw his head had back and started to kick his legs as he was shaken by the umpteenth fit of snickering, the sound being interrupting only by broken words and half sentences about how "not fun the stupid, hideous show was". Zim even cursed the human drug and GIR at one point, promising a cruel revenge, but the solemn oath wasn't scary at all spoken as it was in-between chuckles. The SIR Unit, from his part, alternated his own creepy laughing with screams, which soon started to threaten to give Dib a headache even worse than the one caused by the alien's cackling.

"This isn't how I planned to spend my day," the boy grumbled under his breath. That morning, when he had persuaded his sister to take him with her, the worst thing he had thought that could have happened had been Gaz getting fed up with his presence and abandoning him in some store at the mall, maybe to pick up some book on the latest paranormal studies or some materials he needed to perfect his instrumentation. Instead, his sibling was surely having a good time getting pizza and going through the latest videogames, while he was stuck in the last place he would have wanted to be, tied up so tightly that it hurt. "Worst afternoon _ever_."

His glare moved from the TV to the Invader, who ignored him, too busy fighting his own stoned self, and stayed there. He had seen the Irken laughing in several occasions, even if usually the snickering he had witnessed was booming, triumphant even, and it happened every time the alien managed to reach his aim. The truly amused laughs were much rarer and they were mostly caused by someone else's, especially Dib's, horrible sufferance and troubles. He had never seen his nemesis laughing for something more normal, something that even someone who wasn't an evil alien Invader could have found funny. Seeing him acting like that now, even if it was all because of the drugs in his system, was refreshing in a way that he would have never believed possible. It made his rival look less hostile, less awful, less foreign too.

Out of the blue, Zim's clawed hand reached out for him and it tagged at the restrains wrapped around the human, which, under the Irken's touch, moved and loosened slightly. They were still too tight for comfort and especially to allow the boy to move, but Dib found that he could breath properly again and that, while his body would eventually go numb, he wasn't hurting excessively anymore. He scoffed and turned his eyes back on the television, feeling the hint of a chuckle touching his throat as the fictional character on the screen did something that reminded him awfully of GIR's antics. All considered, while it was true that this wasn't the best afternoon of his life, perhaps it might turn out not to be the worst either.


End file.
